Turns Out, Fear is Terrifying. 3 Reasons Why

Some things are just plain terrifying. Like fear.

I had a bout of fear recently.

Or maybe it wasn’t fear. It was panic.

I’ve been working on my sequel. Done several rewrites. And several times through for edits.

Then I printed the whole thing out to do a final “hard copy” edit. Mostly because I can see different things on paper than when I’m editing on the computer.

So… I finished the hard copy edit just in time to take it with me when I went to visit my Mom.

Now, Mom has no Internet. No WiFi. So, I moved the document to the desktop of my computer. That way I had quick access to it and could make all the changes from the pages to THE ONLY DIGITAL COPY.

Yes. There’s a reason I stressed that. The only digital copy now existed on my computer, and I was headed into 1960 out of town without Internet.

I was excited. Mom’s house is quiet – as opposed to my house with all the people. And the crazy dog, Jett.

When I pulled up the document to start work… I got to page 3.

And the computer shut itself off.

It did this 4 times. No matter what I tried, the computer kept shutting down.

Panic mode.

I felt like the picture above: stranded on a flimsy walkway, dangling above a terrifying drop.

My only bright spot was that I had a paper copy, but that meant something hideous:

I was going to have to RETYPE the entire book!

Oh, the agony! Now, I’m pretty fast on a keyboard, but retyping an entire novel would take weeks since I was at the end of my summer break. And then, I’d have to do a completely DIFFERENT type of edit to look for mistakes in my typing!

Plus, my computer was dead. And I was saving up for family reunion/vacation the following week.

Long story short, 3 days later I somehow managed to move the file into the cloud. It sits there, waiting. All safe and snug.

But why was I so freaked out?

1. I was alone. Or so I thought. Mom knows nothing about computers, so she couldn’t help. I didn’t know anyone in her town who could help. And the very solitude I’d been so eager to embrace for the purposes of editing left me solo in my struggle. Did I pick up the phone and call Son, my computer guru? No. Did I call my webmaster for advice? Nope. I just stewed in my personal panic juices.
2. I was unprepared. Everyone, myself included, knows better than to only have a single digital file for the really important things. Normally, I keep a copy in the cloud AND I email myself a copy. Just in case. Or I’d use my external hard drive…once I dusted it off. But I did none of these things.
3. I was overwhelmed. Once I got into panic mode, I didn’t do any of the things I would normally suggest to anyone else to get OUT of panic mode. I went crazy, and I stayed there. And the worst part was knowing that I would not get the work done before our family reunion trip. That puts me behind schedule, and my brain went into overload, trying to revamp my publishing plans. I had to just walk away.

The bottom line? I let fear win. That troubles me a bit, but I’ve learned to be better prepared with my precious files. And I have to refocus my attention on what really matters: Love. God. Family.

“Perfect love casts out fear.” Something to think about…

I have a new computer now. Son says it sounds like the old one was overheating, and replacing it was a good choice. Being behind schedule isn’t the worst thing in the world. I guess I should get back at it.

Thanks for stopping by today. I’m praying for you.

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